Brett Favre is my high school girlfriend


*Wistful sigh* ...those SI covers from 1985 were so classic.

*Wistful sigh* ...those SI covers from 1985 were so classic.

“I know we just broke up last week, but I want to get back together.”

That was my high school girlfriend’s way of patching things up after our fourth breakup. It was mind-wrenchingly awful, I died a little bit each time, but in the back of my head I knew—I knew—that makeup and breakup #6 was already stamped and on its way…sometimes on the same day.

So when I read that Brett Favre was DONE with football I breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to deal with constant ESPN coverage, Twitter trending topics, or Roommate Tony’s threats to hang himself. And yet…in the back of my mind, I knew we weren’t done with this self-indulgent douchebag.

Right now, Brett Favre is my high school girlfriend: needy, emotional, self-absorbed, and absolutely 100% bat shit loco. The first breakup was bad enough: it hurt everyone, it was drawn out, everyone saw it, and no one really got out of it clean. It was kind of like the 1999 movie “Election.”

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I will hate you for liking this song: Asher Roth must be stopped.


I posted this on facebook back in January, hoping that this abomination would go away. I heard the beginning of it on the local Top 40 station today and I’ve realized I must double my efforts. Please Digg or forward this.

 

 

Please get the intern out of the booth. Mr. Lil' Jon has serious work to do.

Please get the intern out of the booth. Mr. Lil' Jon has serious work to do.

This morning I drove into work and, because BOY do I listen to a lot of hip hop radio, I was listening to Power 106, LA’s biggest hip-hop station. As I was pulling in, a song came on by a guy named Asher Roth, titled “I Love College.” He samples Weezer’s “Say It Ain’t So,” which is a good choice. As I listened to the lyrics, however, I became enraged. So enraged, in fact, that I’m going to tell you what I like about this Asher fellow before I go to motherfucking town on him.

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Things I Can’t Take Back: I Still Like Creed


Have you ever done something so lame, so embarrassing, so unbelievably STUPID that you visibly cringe, regardless of where you are and what you’re doing? Lord knows I have. I’ve got a ton of those under my belt. So I figure, why not share those with you? You know, you are my friends and all.

THING I CAN’T TAKE BACK:

I STILL LIKE CREED

Arguably, this is how pretty much everyone acts when they hear this album.

Arguably, this is how pretty much everyone acts when they hear this album.

Screw you. I feel the judging. I hear your snickering. You mock me rightfully, and I know in five years I’ll look back on this one and put it up there in the all-time, “What the hell was I thinking?” category. I’m totally, completely aware of this.

Doesn’t change the fact that Creed rocks so hard.

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