TEN THOUGHTS YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR OR NEED. THANK YOU AND YOU’RE WELCOME.
1. Kanye West is putting out a book that will hit stores in July. It’s 58 pages. 7 are blank. It’s either actually written by him or it’s the laziest ghost writing exercise ever. Kanye, on books:
“Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed,” West said. “I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph.
“I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life,”?
You know who else said something like that, Kanye? Your good buddy George W. Bush. I think you two finally have common ground. In other news, the book tour has sold out.
2. Exactly what is so delicious about hot cakes that makes them sell everywhere, so quickly?
3. Will Ferrell is on “Man vs. Wild,” tonight. I have a pretty solid theory that he survives…though he could probably double as a Tauntaun in a pinch. Imagine Bear Grylls sleeping inside Will Ferrell…or better yet, just watch it tonight.
4. Would you rather own your favorite Batmobile or a lightsaber?
5. 311’s new album drops today. Blink-182 is on a reunion tour. These are two things I never thought I’d write in 2009…but you’re goddamn right I’m excited for it.
6. If I were a Jackal-like super assassin, I wouldn’t want to be American. I can’t decide between Israeli, Spanish, or Russian. They’ll all undeniably sexy killers.
7. I live in a state where the gays can’t get married, but Heidi and Spencer can…twice.
8. If you’re in a cover band, I expect you to maintain character for your entire set…possibly even until you get home. So yes, guy playing in Queen Nation, I expect you to have AIDS.
9. Me: Hey, Andrew Zilch, have any random thoughts for today? Andrew: *Belch.* That’s it…also, why does Coors Light spend all their time and attention with blue mountains and vented cans when their beer tastes like cat piss? Me: Cold cat piss. Andrew: The worst kind.
10. Intern Matt says don’t got to Target on Sundays. It’s busy. Matt’s also a terrorist. This blog just made the watch list.
Filed under: comedy |