Gossip Girl Review: Poppygate

Yes, I know, I missed last week’s review. There wasn’t really anything to declare from that episode…I would have made mercilious fun of it and you would have giggled.


suspension of disbelief only goes so far, fellas.

suspension of disbelief only goes so far, fellas.

The only thing we can take away from last week is that Gossip Girl, despite its inane sub plots and going-in-circles character arcs, has a desire to live beyond this season. They’re taking steps to keep all the college-bound characters WITHIN New York, instead of the Jump The Campus death trap of sending them out into the world. Well done, Gossip Girl. We might have learned something from The OC after all.

The strength of this episode was not in the dialogue. It wasn’t in any big revelations or deaths or giant social events where every character, regardless of class status, shows up. Instead it moved quickly to the end and, with the exception of one scene between Blair and Serena, never really stopped to let the lines fall flat. Not a REMARKABLE episode, but after the streak of stinkers we’ve had lately, I’ll take whatever I can get.

Roommate Tony is petrified of Gabriel, and until he pointed it out I didn’t get it. Gabriel talks exactly like Javier Bardem from “No Country For Old Men.” You know, the pure evil character with the bowl cut, the quarter, and the pressurized gas container that blows peoples’ brains out? Their voices are exactly the same. So not only is Gabriel about 17 feet tall and a nightmare to block a scene with, he talks like a serial killer. This will end well.


"I don't even have to keep a straight face! This is CAKE!"

"I don't even have to keep a straight face! This is CAKE!"

We held off on the Chuck/Nate tension for a while, but now it’s here. I’m so happy for Nate finally growing a backbone, but we can all understand that there’s no one you’d feel more intimidated of than Chuck Bass when it came to keeping your gf in check…especially when Chuck and Blair are fated to be together. Even if you have sitdowns at the one unoccupied basketball court in NYC or the inexplicable apartment you and your maybe poor family leased, you’re never going to feel safe when Chuckles is lurking. And PLEASE, never say, “I don’t want you near her again,” to Chuck freaking Bass. I mean, what are you THINKING???

On the flip side, there’s no one I’d feel more comfortable lying to than Serena. It’s a lay up. What I couldn’t understand until the very end was why it was so important that Gabe remembered where and when it was that he first met Serena?

Couldn’t he just say that he got confused? Wasn’t their alleged first meeting a YEAR ago? Can you remember what you did a year ago? I don’t remember people I met two HOURS ago…and yet somehow this is a critical plot point. Gossip Girl…sometimes you make me shake my head. You could have done that a LOT better.

I secretly loved Serena’s complaint to Blair in the dressing room (AKA “Please keep watching this show, we’ll show you more Lively Nips”) when she said, “So what you’re saying is that Nate and Chuck are obsessed with you and my boyfriend can’t even stay faithful to me for seven days?” You could pretty much hear Blair screaming in her head, “YES! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’M SAYING!” 

I liked that Rufus got into the fray of Poppygate (I mean, what is this? A long con? Where’s Sawyer when you need him?) I think it’s a pretty organic way to bridge the kid and adult plots, even if part of the stakes of Rufus’ money-making venture is compounded by the fact that his kids are idiots who spend all their savings, too.

I LOVED Jenny’s naïve, “you just don’t want it bad enough,” talk with Rufus. Yeah, Jenny, that’s right. We’re in an economy where people are losing their homes, businesses are closing, and even sandwich chains are slashing their prices…the reason no one wants to buy a JV art gallery is Rufus doesn’t want it bad enough. Go change your hairstyle for the 7th time and sit quietly. Thanks.

Also, Rufus is going to sell the whole Lincoln Hawk song catalog. So…no one else in the band has a say in this? Just asking.

I’m going to vent about Blair for second.


"Chuck, Nate, just stand next to each other for a sec. Eenie, meenie, miney..."

"Chuck, Nate, just stand next to each other for a sec. Eenie, meenie, miney..."

It was good to see “woe is me” Blair finally gone, and I get that she doesn’t want to go down to the subway because if she changed too much we’d all peg her as Vanessa 2.0. However, if I were Nate and I had to deal with Blair considering a cross-town college situation as a long distance relationship, I’d slap a bitch. Not hard, just a couple times with the front and back of hand. One’s love, the other’s discipline.


Blair has trust issues with Nate because Chuck let’s her know that Nate considers him a threat. Blair gets all upset with this. I’m sorry, can we talk about you for a second, Blair? Weren’t you the one who expired the V-card at 30 mph in the back of Chuck’s limo while you were with Nate? How many people have you betrayed? So Nate…trying to help your relationship…and broadcasting his intentions to Chuck…is betraying your trust how? These kids continue to baffle me sometimes.

Speaking of baffling kids, GEORGINA! What a strange trip that was, huh? Two things about that little encounter: one, we’re all wondering what just the hell Georgina’s going to try against Blair (that goody-two-Marc Jacobs  act is going to last about five minutes once in the city) and TWO, that chauffeur who drove Chuck and Blair is SO fired when Chuck gets back. Not really impressed with Georgina’s first appearance, but we’ll see next week.


If the GG drinking game included, "Drink once for every sideways glance from Chuck," you'd be on the floor like Vanessa and Dan.

If the GG drinking game included, "Drink once for every sideways glance from Chuck," you'd be on the floor like Vanessa and Dan.



And Lily, you’re not fooling anyone. You can throw a co-op party, but you’re still not Kiki Cohen.

That’s all I really have time for this week. When Gossip Girl gives me something to talk about, I’ll be a bit more verbose. Help me out! Give me your thoughts on the episode and continue the conversation!

Til next week!

You know you’re disappointed in me,


4 Responses

  1. How has Josh Schwartz NOT made you a writer on this show already??!?!!

  2. I’m NEVER disappointed in you, Woody…

    (Cue Chuck Bass longing glance…)

    And btw, just to make this clear — dressing room scenes with Serena will keep me watching forever. I’m easy to please…

  3. Honestly? Murray Hill was the best place in Manhattan to get middle ground between Morningside Heights and the Village??? I know Blair is NOT taking the crosstown bus…

  4. Well put Katie, though maybe it will be half cost for the car service?

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