A letter from Aziz Ansari to Kal Penn

Aziz’s publicist would like you to know that Aziz did NOT write this letter. If he did, it would be a heckuva lot funnier. Watch Parks and Recreation tonight on NBC. Kisses, Woody.

Dear Kal,

You are the greatest human being alive.

-by Aziz Ansari

the good news is I look like this when I shave.

the good news is I look like this when I shave.

Hey Kal, it’s Aziz Ansari. I just heard that you killed yourself on the most watched medical drama on television and joined the White House for as long as the Obama Administration goes. I just wanted to write you real quick and say thanks on behalf of us ethnic comedians. You’re doing a real solid.


Just a quick question, did you have to do any prep work for the “Van Wilder” series?

Fact: "The Secret" totally works. You just proved it, Kal.

Fact: "The Secret" totally works. You just proved it, Kal.

I gotta tell you, I have been busting my hump for the past couple years. Human Giant was awesome, but no one watched. Lately, I’ve been getting some opportunities. I finally got to do a few eps on Scrubs and jump into Parks and Recreation with that SNL chick who used to be preggers. I was really getting amped up for our premiere tonight, but I didn’t want to miss the chance to say congrats on stepping away from acting and focusing on what’s important.

Just another thought popped into my mind: did they need Neil Patrick Harris in order to make “Harold and Kumar 2?” You don’t have his cell number by some chance, do you?


And any tips about wine preference?

And any tips about wine preference?

But hey, good job dude. Seriously, you’re one of the heroes now. Working for the establishment after being a teen terrorist, Lex Luthor’s henchman, and starring in like seventeen weed movies. You are truly an inspiration. I mean, you were a legit MOVIE STAR, man! You breeze through airport security while I’m still going through random screenings trying to LEAVE the airport. Now it’s nothing but Air Force One and walk-and-talks.

One last thing: your character on “House” and “24”: are they REALLY dead? I mean, would they maybe come back in a dream sequence/flashback? Which producer would know about that?

this is you...

this is you...


...and me! Seamless!

...and this is me! Seamless!

I gotta run, but I just wanted to make it clear to you that no one supports your move away from acting more than me. Don’t get discouraged, and don’t take no for an answer. Stay. Stay out there as long as it takes to make hope, love, all that stuff I see on Pepsi billboards. In fact, if you want to stay beyond the Obama administration, I support you.

And FYI, so you’re not alarmed if you come back out here, I changed the locks at your house. Thought you should know.

You’re the man now dog,



4 Responses

  1. Aziz Ansari will be in Observe & Report. Hilarity shall ensue.

    Obama just let a pothead into an Associate Director position. Hilarity will ensue.

    My people rule.

  2. I am actually Aziz’s publicist and you should clearly state that he did NOT write this himself. It can be confusing to people that don’t realize that you are kidding considering he does similiar types of jokes on his own website.

    Please email me back if you want to discuss further.

  3. i loved Aziz on scrubs!

    and way to fucking go kal penn! dude! that shit is awesome!

  4. What the……

    I truly felt that you were joking and that Aziz did write it……now I feel cheated…..but not really because now I feel that you are funnier than Aziz.

    I did that ‘laugh out loud’ thing at least 3 times. That’s big for written word…..rare.

    i will now stalk you via google.com and find out other work of yours that will hopefully make me LoL again.

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