Aziz’s publicist would like you to know that Aziz did NOT write this letter. If he did, it would be a heckuva lot funnier. Watch Parks and Recreation tonight on NBC. Kisses, Woody.
You are the greatest human being alive.
-by Aziz Ansari
Hey Kal, it’s Aziz Ansari. I just heard that you killed yourself on the most watched medical drama on television and joined the White House for as long as the Obama Administration goes. I just wanted to write you real quick and say thanks on behalf of us ethnic comedians. You’re doing a real solid.
Just a quick question, did you have to do any prep work for the “Van Wilder” series?
I gotta tell you, I have been busting my hump for the past couple years. Human Giant was awesome, but no one watched. Lately, I’ve been getting some opportunities. I finally got to do a few eps on Scrubs and jump into Parks and Recreation with that SNL chick who used to be preggers. I was really getting amped up for our premiere tonight, but I didn’t want to miss the chance to say congrats on stepping away from acting and focusing on what’s important.
Just another thought popped into my mind: did they need Neil Patrick Harris in order to make “Harold and Kumar 2?” You don’t have his cell number by some chance, do you?
But hey, good job dude. Seriously, you’re one of the heroes now. Working for the establishment after being a teen terrorist, Lex Luthor’s henchman, and starring in like seventeen weed movies. You are truly an inspiration. I mean, you were a legit MOVIE STAR, man! You breeze through airport security while I’m still going through random screenings trying to LEAVE the airport. Now it’s nothing but Air Force One and walk-and-talks.
One last thing: your character on “House” and “24”: are they REALLY dead? I mean, would they maybe come back in a dream sequence/flashback? Which producer would know about that?
I gotta run, but I just wanted to make it clear to you that no one supports your move away from acting more than me. Don’t get discouraged, and don’t take no for an answer. Stay. Stay out there as long as it takes to make hope, love, all that stuff I see on Pepsi billboards. In fact, if you want to stay beyond the Obama administration, I support you.
And FYI, so you’re not alarmed if you come back out here, I changed the locks at your house. Thought you should know.
You’re the man now dog,
Filed under: comedy, Essays | Tagged: 24, Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Liaison, aziz ansari, barack obama, comedy, harold and kumar, house, human giant, kal penn, neil patrick harris, obama, parks and recreation, ryan reynolds, superman returns, van wilder |