I will hate you for liking this song: Asher Roth must be stopped.


I posted this on facebook back in January, hoping that this abomination would go away. I heard the beginning of it on the local Top 40 station today and I’ve realized I must double my efforts. Please Digg or forward this.

 

 

Please get the intern out of the booth. Mr. Lil' Jon has serious work to do.

Please get the intern out of the booth. Mr. Lil' Jon has serious work to do.

This morning I drove into work and, because BOY do I listen to a lot of hip hop radio, I was listening to Power 106, LA’s biggest hip-hop station. As I was pulling in, a song came on by a guy named Asher Roth, titled “I Love College.” He samples Weezer’s “Say It Ain’t So,” which is a good choice. As I listened to the lyrics, however, I became enraged. So enraged, in fact, that I’m going to tell you what I like about this Asher fellow before I go to motherfucking town on him.

I’m sure he’ll find success, and because of a horrible first impression I’m inclined to not listen to his future releases. I hope his stuff’s good and I hope to be surprised in the future. Good for him making money on a song. He’s possibly made more money than I have.  God, that was hard to say.

In ten seconds of research, I see his voice has been compared to Eminem. He flows well from verse to verse (actually, no. I take that back upon re-reading), doesn’t ask too much, and the Weezer sample is catchy (oh thank GOD for Rock Band!) Also, he’s unabashedly schoolboy prep-white, and doesn’t rap about chains, guns, or stuff that he would have absolutely no freaking idea what he was talking about. He’s real, he’s doing well for himself, I’ll give him all of that. That’s…about it.

“I Love College” is one of the most pandering songs I’ve ever heard, and the part that makes me want to go Wolverine on some fools is the simple fact that college kids will EAT THIS SHIT UP. I PROMISE you, every Friday night party at Boston College will now feature this song. Excuse me for a second, I just vomited a small part of my soul.

 

Somewhere, Jason Mraz screams.

Somewhere, Jason Mraz screams.

Stupid songs are not uncommon (I point an Evil Monkey finger at “Because I Got High”). Generic college songs are not uncommon (I shake my head at “In College” by Brad Paisley). But this REDEFINES “Stupid. Generic. Pandering. College. Song.”

“But Woody,” you say, holding your hands up and telling me to put the knife down, “surely it can’t be as bad as your heavy handed analogies are telling us.”

Shut up. Sit down. Read these lyrics.

Against my better judgement, here’s the link to the song. Listen and be appalled as you read.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOsh_TuVJvY

drink my beer and smoke my weed
but my good friends is all i need
pass out at 3 wake up at 10
go out to eat then do it again

-Well, that’s not terrible, but it’s awfully stupid, too. Lil’ Jon is probably impressed, though.
But WAIT! It gets worse!

i wanna go to college for the rest of my life
sip bankers club and drink miller lite
on thirsty thursday and tuesday night ice
and i can get pizza a dollar a slice

This is when stupid college kids say, “OMG! I totally say that!” And it should remain that way. Just stating the facts is not the same as making it interesting or worthy of public consumption. I mean, every rapper talks about the VIP, but only Jay-z can make it sound like a business, man. God, hip hop can be stupid.

“so fill up my cuplets get fucked up
im next on the tablewho want what
i am champion at beer pong
allen iverson hakeem olajuwon

-These are the most ingenious lyrics in the history of man. Again, this was played on LA’s biggest hip hop station. I hope it was just some nerdy intern who was immediately fired when people realized what he’d done.

Upon re-reading, this group of lyrics read like a really drunk kid scribbling on the walls in crayon. Some people call this “minutiae” and consider it smart. It’s not fucking Hemingway, friends.

 

This is approximately how I feel after listening to this horrible song.

This is approximately how I feel after listening to this horrible song.

dont even bounce, not in my house
better hope you make itotherwise you naked
time isnt wasted when youre getting wasted

-At this point I am honestly pounding my head against the steering wheel, willing myself unconscious. I was Tom Cruise in “Vanilla Sky,” running through a vacuous nightmare with no end in sight. There would be no tech support.

man i love college
and i love drinkin
i love women
i love college

-I wish I could say I was making these words up. Again, let me repeat what you are undoubtedly thinking, someone actually put these words down, thinking they were a good idea, made music to them, PUT THEM ON AN AUDIO PLAYBACK FORMAT, and sent it to someone, IN ALL SERIOUSNESS. 

I am not saying these events are not genuine. I’m 25 and organize pub crawls. Something is fundamentally wrong with me. I still live in a fantasy world where I consider myself 20 years old and far more awesome than I actually am BUT THIS SONG IS GOD AWFUL and some of the worst pandering I’ve ever seen. Where is Ludacris when you need him?!?

i cant tell you what i learned from school
but i could tell you a story or two
um yea of course i learned some rules
like dont pass out with your shoes on
and dont leave the house till the booze gone
and dont have sex if shes too gone
when it comes to condoms put two on

-I’m choosing to ignore the “double bag rule” and the obvious speculation about where Mr. Roth attended university. But wow, 

 

now if everybody would please
put their drink as high as they can
as high as they can 
and repeat after me
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
FRESHMAN FRESHMAN FRESHMAN FRESHMAN
DO SOMETHIN CRAZY DO SOMETHIN CRAZY DO SOMETHIN CRAZY DO SOMETHIN CRAZY
KEGSTAND KEGSTAND KEGSTAND KEGSTAND

-Finally, Mr. Roth gets the heart of the matter. He sat in front of a white board with a ton of words that relate to college, put them in his fist, and literally threw them at the wall, magnetic poetry style. This, loyal readers, is the result.

 

There is no better photograph to describe Mr. Roth's writing process and subsequent results.

There is no better photograph to describe Mr. Roth's writing process and subsequent results.

And you’re going to drink your ass off to it.
There’s a 30% chance you’ll meet your spouse to it.
I judge you…almost as harshly as I judge Asher Roth.

Yours,
Woody Tondorf

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39 Responses

  1. dear woody,

    i love you for posting this.

    sincerely, nicole.

  2. Woody,
    Once again you are spot on. I hate this song more than I hate…I just don’t know. For a couple of reasons. 1. the catchy tune makes me not turn the station immediately. In fact, I listen for about 20 seconds and then thrust the dial like someone puts the cap on a bottle of curdled milk. 2. the lyrics are so lame, but i KNOW that there are like at least 60,000 guys toasting their Keystones to it at this very second. Worse, 70,000 girls dancing around them while they do so. I just eerrrrrrr! hate Asher Roth. Yeah, we all know how sweet college is. I find it so sweet that I stayed for a victory run, but I don’t write LFO style lyrics to my own theme song. Can I just say what everyone won’t? No one named Asher Roth bangs hot chicks. Period.

  3. Asher Roth is the new LFO. I very much like this idea.

  4. hahahaha,i love reading ur opinons.give me new insight,and yes,you are so right. 😀

  5. Just listened to half of the song. My face is melting like the Nazis’ at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

  6. i’ve never heard this song, but i’m seriously dreading going back home (to a college town) to work this summer. work at a bar. with a lazer disc juke box. one that you can download ANY song onto. and play. over and over again. O god. save me.

  7. Thank you Woody, for your excellent analysis. Soooo spot on. Why would you sing about this crap? ahhhh It baffles me.

  8. oh.my.god. i just saw a friend add this to their myspace page. where’s that fucking delete button?! friends list my ass, that chick is now on my people-i-will-punch-in-the-goddamn-throat list.

  9. I’m so with you. Thank you for stating what should be obvious in a most eloquent manner.
    PS-love the photo captions.

  10. ZOMG GO WOODY. Your 2 cents and captions are hilarious! But only if you knew what this song has done in other countries. Here in Canada on Much Music (which is the Canadian Music channel), its dropping on and off the Top 30. Its puke worthy just to know it has the potential to BE on the Top 30, I know.

    I think the thing that peeves me the most about this goddamn song is that it feeds that entire perception that its all college students do. I’m not saying it isn’t a part of it (cause I’m pretty sure college students have all had that fun MANY times), but dammit, it doesn’t mean that that’s ALL WE DO. Or for that matter thats what college is about. Isn’t it just awesome when people think of you as a partying retard before an actual student? Lovely.

  11. All you guys have no idea what hip hop is about asher roth is the head of a new generation of music suck it pricks…WEST CHESTER UNIVERSITY WHATS UP!!!!

    • Asher Roth is on the radio and Jurassic 5 broke up. If that’s what hip hop is about, I weep for hip hop.

  12. Oh my god….this is painful. Extremely. And you know the worst part? Where I live, this will take at least a year to show up, everyone will then treat it like the newest greatest thing and EAT THIS SHIT UP.

    God I hate the masses.

  13. This song is not hip hop.

    It bites hip hop style, poorly, but it is not hip hop or rap.

    Also the end part “do something crazy”, etc is just suuuuuper corny.

    Can’t wait till this is over.

  14. Asher Roth RULES!!!!! stop bitchin

  15. I hate Asher Roth, and all of his brainwashing, drunken public opinionated, posing, college cliquey people who will buy/download, and replay this song every night at some dumb ass party. And we call this “The Future”… HA!

  16. aww man that was a great read. thank you for writing this.

  17. how can you guys hate this guy for just one song, you haven’t even heard his other shit which is way better than that song, everyone’s just hatin because you guys have nothing better to do in your lives.

  18. Worst fucking artist in all of music history, he must die.

  19. j-money totally agree. none of these people heard the a millie freestyle or the greenhouse effect or the funk master flex freestyle. i’ve been listening to asher since mid last year and this was before i love college. its okay but not his best and he even admits he thinks its his weakest song. but do you think ja rule or 50 cent or jay-z would say that about some of the shit singles they put out. and they usually had better cds with those songs on them well accept ja rule but anyways give the man a chance, stop acting like its the end of the fucking world for one song and just chill. but thats just my opinion.

  20. I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate this song and it’s artist. What really pisses me off is that there are sober people who actually ENJOY listening to this. Just because he’s being “real” or being himself does not mean he’s a good artist. My hope for humanity just decreased 2.67%.

  21. you are GAY if you don’t like the song “I LOVE COLLEGE” HAHA FAG

  22. Eugh, I hate this guy.

    Mainstream Hip Hop was dying a decade ago, but this is like the last push. Diluted, image-driven, materialistic- every vice that appeals to fucking morons. The majority of Western people listen to whatever catchy bullshit is dangled in front of their eyes and supposedly reflects their ‘story’.

    Every one of these motherfuckers would listen to TV themes and advertisement jingles if they were credible. Which brings this back to image. Asher Roth is not credible, but to an unheard minority, who cares, right? What’s credible is relative to how many people say it is, despite logic or reason.

    Asher Roth is whored for this white suburban nerdy image, that is wholly embraced by the mainstream factions of society. An ‘everyman’ figure. The mainstream are white, the mainstream are middle class, the mainstream have the biggest fucking identity crisis so they lap this up.

    Asher Roth, deliberately or not, allows all the shutter-shade, t-shirt and tie wearing, Soulja Boy dancing faggots to feel embraced by Hip Hop. It’s no longer estranged from their story. Asher sings their hollow existence to them. Like a 2 year old who asks her Daddy to tell her favourite story before bed time, every… single… night. Can’t get enough of that shit.

    And I’m white. His race would be irrelevant if it wasn’t exploited to market him; and also if he didn’t effectively rap about the ‘minutiae’ of the average nobody who has somehow deluded themselves into thinking they matter.

    He’s white enough to identify with, yet Hip Hop enough to be regarded as cool. By the same rationale, he isn’t so Hip Hop that he’s a wigger, and isn’t so white that he can’t be Hip Hop. This balance is crucial, because he wouldn’t want to alienate people, would he?

    This seems to be how a lot of hollow cliques work- appear intriguing only to the point where you don’t alienate the person you wish to impress.

    This is less about his musical ability for me. I heard some freestyles and heard some other shit he’s done and none of it I like. However, he can ride a beat. This is more his detrimental effect, becoming a part of the virus that kills good music. I’d regard him as a sell-out, if he ever had the chance to thrive with integrity. But no, just cash in on the morons with another inane hit. Great work.

  23. worst song ever, if you can call it a song. another white dude that can’t accept he’s actually white. I can’t wait for his next album where he raps about drinkin henny and skullf*ckin his frat brothers.

  24. These are actually words spoken by someone to me regarding this song, “When you make records for a living, you have to make money… at the end of the day, we all need to eat. The reason you diss him is the same reason I appreciate the guy… opportunistic asshole to you, smart entrepreneur to me.”

    have you seen these shows and specials about the end of the world in 2012. If I have to live in a world where Asher Roth is a name that more than 20 people know, I welcome the annihaltion of earth.

  25. Yeah i agree, now if only there was a way to keep dumb college kids from playing this song every five minutes. I know their in college and supposed to be all smart and whatnot, but they have no idea what music is let alone an actual genre like hip hop. Asher Roth is taking away not only from artists who deserve it more then he does specially in pennsylvania. But he is also reversing the role and cred of white kids in the industry who actually rap good. Id much rather throw on the RA The Rugged Man, Or Vinnie Paz then this faggot asher roth.

  26. I just saw this fool on TV singing “college”. This guy is one of the vilest abominations to even mediocre or bad music I have ever heard. I would pay to see Toby Keith before I would go to see this guy for free. I hate toby Keith but compared to Asher Roth, he is one of the most insightful entertainers ever. Asher must be stopped! For a good laugh or vomit, go to you tube and find his Billboard interview where he talks about being original and living your life your own unique way. It’s vile. This guy is like the king of the super-honkeys. Yes, the college song is some of the worst pandering I have ever seen, even worse than what’s commonly heard in Country music. This guy depressed me

  27. Whatever, you guys are fukn lame, rappers are total sellouts, they dont even deny it, what they do it cuz they love the art, the art of making words rhyme (sp?), or pronounce words wrong if they dont, most rappers talk about how they do it cuz they make more rapping then selling drugs, rap and hip hop is not a credible genre of music haha, and the only people who disagree are complete fukn dumbasses. He’s not trying to be black, has nothing to do with wanting to be black, what fukn white guy in their right mind wants to be black? He does it for the money just like every other rapper or hip hop “artist” out there. I cant believe anyone has so much time on their hands that they have a huge debate over how bad this song is, fukn a dont listen to it then you fukn idiots, hahaha.

  28. […] the orginals Posted on July 14, 2009 by woodytondorf Rap songs can be mind-blowingly awful (see my thoughts on Asher Roth). Some are wonderful, but occasionally they’re made better by those who have no connection […]

  29. I’m in love with you.

  30. I’m writing this to vent, as I have 2 suffocating feelings right now.

    1) I hate the feeling of hating this song SO MUCH and yet not being able to clearly articulate why it represents the lowest of musical lows. In other words, I can’t quite blast it out of the water, figuratively speaking. Until I do, I can’t clear my conscience allowing me to go back to enjoying good music and effortlessly put down talentless trash like this.

    2) I hate the feeling that this is only the tipping point in the process of degenerating rap/hip hop music, and music in general. In other words, this is the point where rap music has gotten so piss poor and devoid of positive qualities that we’re all stirred up into anger enough to write on this blog, yet it’s all our fault for sitting idly by as it degenerated through the young jocs and lil ___’s that were the stepping stones to this point.

    Again, I’m writing this to vent and I don’t know what the point of it is but this is how I feel. I’m going to do some serious soul-searching to try and understand what makes music good, what makes this music incomparably bad, and what we can all do about it. Hopefully I’ll be back soon with some answers.

  31. GODSPEED, my friend, GODSPEED!

  32. What about Flo-rida “Sugar” !??!!? I’d listen to Asher Roth a zillion times before I’d play that garbage! So quit bashin’ the boy. For real, all you guys are just a bunch of nut riders with gay ass opisions about hip hop

    • Fuck that guy too. I was talking about Asher Roth’s case and, being an advocate of relevance, thought I’d not talk about every other shitty artist in existence.

      Just because somebody is worse than somebody else does not make the lesser evil good.

      Your perspective is fucked up. Raise your standard.

      If you like the guy, say it. Shit, by the way you worded that it looks as though you’re acknowledging he sucks and are trying to rationalize your shame in liking him by saying there are worse musicians.

      Nut riders of who, by the way? If it’s decent music then I’d suck that dick all day.

  33. I just realised these e-mail notifications aren’t for replies… they’re just for comments. So whatever kwest said wasn’t in response to me. However, that shit still stands, just edit out the bits that reference my previous post.

  34. haha fucking faggot why do you care so much

  35. just got wind of this today, check out my boy..ull all appreciate it.

    http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=141998&id=48030261683#!/video/video.php?v=314111116148

  36. Hey everyone, Happy Fool’s Day!!

    A blonde was walking along a river when she noticed another blonde on the opposite bank.
    She yells, “How do I get to the other side of the river?”
    The second blonde replies, “You are on the other side…”

    Happy April Fool’s Day!

  37. This is bad, horrible, painful, but what hurt more was the remix by Scammie Adams.. And however retarded, I do admit to actually having played this, yes, while DJing, at a college party at the request of a boob-gifted bimbo. Hot women decide the fate of hip-hop. I blame our male anatomy for guiding us, and apologize to the future generations that will have to suffer through this..

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