Every Elevator Character Ever Created


We’re shin-deep in the final season of the popular web series Elevator and recently I asked the fans if they wanted to help contribute to our final season. To help jump-start your brains (There are over 200 episodes after all, there’s a lot to watch.) I’ve compiled a list and brief summary of all the characters ever introduced in the series. I’m sure I’ve missed one or two, but you get the idea.

Take trip down down the memory shaft or browse this entry and wonder just how the hell someone once paid us to make this. Enjoy

Harold the janitor

I am Iron Man.

Played by Ben Pace

Notable episodes – Enter the Matrix, Harold the Vampire part 2, When you gotta go, The Clone Wars

No one knows how old Harold is or when he first started working at the office, but everyone knows that he was there on his or her first day and he’ll certainly be there on the last…and possibly every day in between. Harold is, to borrow a phrase, “scary smart,” often inventing incredible gadgets and contraptions on a whim and using them for his own pleasure. He has a love/hate relationship with Waldo.

Harold has the unique ability to be sympathetic for everyone while simultaneously cruel to others. He’s generally pleasant to everyone, with the notable exception of litterers and people who don’t recycle. If you don’t follow the basic rules of cleanliness (or if you make Harold’s job difficult) he will hunt you down, harass you, and probably end your career.

Part of Harold’s power is taken from the bin he carries around everywhere. Harold’s bin seems to have magical properties that allow Harold to produce whatever object he needs regardless of size or weight, and in one instance allowed people to see alternate futures when Harold filled the bin with water and dunked people’s heads in it. In the past, Santa Claus has come by the elevator looking for the bin, which has led some to believe that the bin’s lining is Santa’s magic bag. Harold also wields a mop named Bessie Lou.

He’s made allusions to his time in the Navy SEALS, has visited outer space, and pals around with janitors and Hollywood celebrities alike. He’s been divorced several times and doesn’t know his real father, though he suspects William Shatner on a daily basis.

Quotes:

Harold: Guys, I’m not a vampire. I just said and did all that stuff to get chicks.

Harold: Fifteen! One of my favorite bathrooms in the whole building, honestly…except unfortunately I just closed it via remote. There’s an app for that.

Charles Trippy: You’re one sick twisted janitor.

Harold: Thank you. I try.

Mr. Grant: Enough is enough, Harold. I want you out by four.

Harold: Sure. Whatever. I’ll just leave the overflowing toilets in the ladies’ room, the grease fire down in the kitchen, and actually Rachel in shipping who’s going into labor right about [Harold’s watch beeps] now.

Harold: Where’d you go, Waldo? Show yourself, you bastard!

Harold: Are you crying? [tastes tear] Wait a minute, these are tears of sadness!

Harold: Melora, I love you, and when you sing I feel lonelier than an infant in a meth den, but you’ve got to ramp it up!

 

ALL OTHER CHARACTERS AFTER THE JUMP

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