Gossip Girl Review: “Enough About Eve”

SILLY VANESSA, SUCCESS IS FOR RICH KIDS.

This is when we start the "Un-der Ra-Ted" cheer

I think before Gossip Girl came to TV one of the senior writers had a “Curb Your Enthusiasm” moment with Jessica Szohr (Vanessa Abrahms) and swore on the grave of his/her parents that Jessica would pay for whatever transgression she made. This week, that vendetta against Vanessa became the A storyline.

I have to get a little bit ranty for a moment. Jessica Szohr is underrated. After three seasons of watching Serena fumble from mistake to mistake and Nate being banished to permanent C stoyline arcs, Vanessa has been consistent. She’s always getting crushed but she’s never whiny. She’s always the underdog but she never makes a big deal out of it. It was funny for a couple years to laugh at the Gossip Girl staple of crushing V time and time again, but come ON. Maybe the writers were trying to make point this week that Vanessa is her own worst enemy and the only true source of her disappointment, but Jessica Szohr’s been working hard on this role for three seasons and she deserves a victory this season. Ok, sincere moment over. Let’s step on some poor kids.

Gossip Girl Review: “CONNNNNNNNN!!!!”

Gossip Girl occasionally sets us up for an alley-oop of an episode that puts all the strong characters together for a purpose that actually—hold your breath—makes sense. The result: definitely the best episode since, “The Grandfather,” possibly the best ep of 2009. Spoilers ahead.

It's in the house. WHY did you let it in the HOUSE?

They took a whole episode last week to set us up for this week’s, and it was worth it. It had all the ingredients they needed to make a good/great episode:

-The kids (led by Blair and Chuck, obvi) planning vengeance and thinking they can do a better job that anyone else.
-Hints at the unspoken class war that you wish they would just overtly address for a whole season (Lily is…what? The Humphreys’ benefactor?)
-Beautiful people, fashion, and Chuck talking about how he has lots of sex.
-Georgina “I sold my show pony for coke” Sparks.
-Betrayal from every side with velvet daggers.

But the very best part is after the jump.

Gossip Girl Review: When GG told us they’ve done NOTHING this season

How long has this season BEEN? We started around September, had a couple hiatuses, a few strings of episodes, due for another hiatus…and then socialite Poppy opens her big mouth. “So…everything’s EXACTLY the way it was?”

 

In the interest of fairness, we DID get to ogle Leighton Meester for a whole season. Net win, friends.

Yep, Gossip Girl just took us by the hand, patted us condescendingly on the cheek, and told us we were wandering in the desert for months…and we’ve been walking in circles.

 

Uh-oh.

 

I’m sorry, I know Gossip Girl is very self-referential, but should a show REALLY tell us that we’ve covered NO GROUND in a whole season? Did Gossip Girl just give us the finger and laugh at us for being led around by the nose to pretty much nowhere?

 

I feel dirty. So much more after the jump.