Giant-sized Gossip Girl Review: The Kids Aren’t All Right

Gossip Girl Review: Dan and Blair. Yeah. You read that.

This is happening. Just accept it.

Okay! Let’s shake off the rust here for a second. It’s been a dog’s age, friends, lovers, and thieves. I think my last review was somewhere at the start of season three around the time that Gossip Girl decided to just go off the freaking rails and I swore I’d never love again.

Then people started paying me to write about TV.

SHAMELESS PLUG: My new show, bought and paid for by Hulu, where I write with brilliant folks about TV. It’s called The Morning After, and it’s on Hulu every weekday. I feel dirty doing that, but that’s why I watched Gossip Girl last night and why I’m back to doing this.

Also, I now have help. Very witty, New York-based, wonderful to look at, delightfully English help. Learn who it is after the jump.

The Gossip Girl Review: The Debarted

The Gossip Girl Review: Chuck Bass Sees Dead People

"The Island still needs you, Chuck."

So between planning the holiday party and the next glorious opportunity to shoot Serena’s boobs, the Gossip Girl producers asked the writers, “What was our biggest triumph last year?” The whole room said in unison, “Bart’s funeral,” and they were right. We got incredible performances out of Chuck and Blair, a really emotional ending, gripping and uncomfortable situations for pretty much all the characters, and a feeling that 2009 was going to be EPIC.

In short, the cake was a lie.

Bart Bass’ funeral episode was incredible because they just gave Chuck the damn ball and let him run roughshod over everyone. That’s it. This time around, I don’t know. The way they worked in Bart’s influcence over Chuck was just plain odd. For the Lost watching audience, there was no way to watch that and not think, “Did they just turn Bart into Christian Shepherd? What the hell is going on?”

I didn’t get it. Can’t we just throw Chuck the damn ball again and let him do what he does best? He didn’t need some ghost of fathers’ past last year and he certainly doesn’t need it now. It was too much, and sadly it took a lot of power out of what could have been a great Blair/Chuck episode, which we always enjoy.

For all of season three we’ve been watching Chuck come to Blair’s rescue, with maybe one or two exceptions. This episode was Blair’s chance to show us that she’s the strong one, to remind us that she IS a fierce force of good for those she loves…and they watered her down with the ghost of BART BASS? Get off my plane. On to the review!

Gossip Girl Review: “Enough About Eve”

SILLY VANESSA, SUCCESS IS FOR RICH KIDS.

This is when we start the "Un-der Ra-Ted" cheer

I think before Gossip Girl came to TV one of the senior writers had a “Curb Your Enthusiasm” moment with Jessica Szohr (Vanessa Abrahms) and swore on the grave of his/her parents that Jessica would pay for whatever transgression she made. This week, that vendetta against Vanessa became the A storyline.

I have to get a little bit ranty for a moment. Jessica Szohr is underrated. After three seasons of watching Serena fumble from mistake to mistake and Nate being banished to permanent C stoyline arcs, Vanessa has been consistent. She’s always getting crushed but she’s never whiny. She’s always the underdog but she never makes a big deal out of it. It was funny for a couple years to laugh at the Gossip Girl staple of crushing V time and time again, but come ON. Maybe the writers were trying to make point this week that Vanessa is her own worst enemy and the only true source of her disappointment, but Jessica Szohr’s been working hard on this role for three seasons and she deserves a victory this season. Ok, sincere moment over. Let’s step on some poor kids.