Brett Favre is my high school girlfriend

*Wistful sigh* ...those SI covers from 1985 were so classic.

“I know we just broke up last week, but I want to get back together.”

That was my high school girlfriend’s way of patching things up after our fourth breakup. It was mind-wrenchingly awful, I died a little bit each time, but in the back of my head I knew—I knew—that makeup and breakup #6 was already stamped and on its way…sometimes on the same day.

So when I read that Brett Favre was DONE with football I breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to deal with constant ESPN coverage, Twitter trending topics, or Roommate Tony’s threats to hang himself. And yet…in the back of my mind, I knew we weren’t done with this self-indulgent douchebag.

Right now, Brett Favre is my high school girlfriend: needy, emotional, self-absorbed, and absolutely 100% bat shit loco. The first breakup was bad enough: it hurt everyone, it was drawn out, everyone saw it, and no one really got out of it clean. It was kind of like the 1999 movie “Election.”

I will hate you for liking this song: Asher Roth must be stopped.

I posted this on facebook back in January, hoping that this abomination would go away. I heard the beginning of it on the local Top 40 station today and I’ve realized I must double my efforts. Please Digg or forward this.

 

 

Please get the intern out of the booth. Mr. Lil' Jon has serious work to do.

This morning I drove into work and, because BOY do I listen to a lot of hip hop radio, I was listening to Power 106, LA’s biggest hip-hop station. As I was pulling in, a song came on by a guy named Asher Roth, titled “I Love College.” He samples Weezer’s “Say It Ain’t So,” which is a good choice. As I listened to the lyrics, however, I became enraged. So enraged, in fact, that I’m going to tell you what I like about this Asher fellow before I go to motherfucking town on him.

Things I Can’t Take Back: I Still Like Creed

Have you ever done something so lame, so embarrassing, so unbelievably STUPID that you visibly cringe, regardless of where you are and what you’re doing? Lord knows I have. I’ve got a ton of those under my belt. So I figure, why not share those with you? You know, you are my friends and all.

THING I CAN’T TAKE BACK:

I STILL LIKE CREED

Arguably, this is how pretty much everyone acts when they hear this album.

Screw you. I feel the judging. I hear your snickering. You mock me rightfully, and I know in five years I’ll look back on this one and put it up there in the all-time, “What the hell was I thinking?” category. I’m totally, completely aware of this.

Doesn’t change the fact that Creed rocks so hard.